When you start at University it can be a very stressful time. There are new surroundings, new approaches to learning and a whole bunch of new people to get used to. One of the hardest things I found when starting University in England was the difference in regional dialects of my new-found friends and even more so, their seemingly bizarre use of slang. I met people from all over the country: Cockneys, Brummies, Scousers, Mancunians, Geordies, etc. All of whom had their own individual way of speaking.

Cockneys: people from the East-End of London (South-East England)
Brummies: people from Birmingham (the middle of England)
Scousers: people from Liverpool (North-West England)
Mancunians: people from Manchester (North-West England)
Yorkshire folk: people from Yorkshire (Northern England)
Geordies: people from Newcastle (North-East England)
The Welsh: people from Wales
The Scottish: people from Scotland

The following is a list of regional slang from different parts of the UK:

Cockney: Get up those apples and pears; go upstairs. To use the dog and bone; to use the telephone. To have a bubble bath; to have a laugh. I don’t Adam and Eve it; I don’t believe it.
Brummie: Me duck; my dear/love. Bab; dear/love. Moggy; a cat. Cheese cob; a cheese sandwich.
Scouse: Any road; anyway. Yer wha; Pardon. To bin-bag somebody; to break up with somebody. Ace; well done. 'Avin' a bevvy; to have a beer. To have a barney; to have an argument.
Manc: To be mad keen; to be very enthusiastic. Ay-up; hello. Nowt; nothing. I’m ‘avin that; I like that a lot.
Yorkshire: Mardy; someone who is easily upset. To be blathered; to be very drunk. By eck; an exclamation of surprise. Eee by gum; an exclamation of surprise. Chow; food.
Geordie: Wye aye; yes. Canny; good. Bonny; pretty.
Welsh: Lush; great. Butt; a friend. Shush your noise; do be quiet.
Scottish: Wee; small. Bairn; a small child. Haste ye back; come back soon.

In recent years regional dialects have come to be seen as fashionable commodities. Therefore, many of the words above are used by people from all over the UK. In previous years, only comedians would attempt to speak in other dialects in order to gain a few more laughs when performing. But in modern Britain it is common to hear people impersonating each other, simply because they like the way other people’s accents sound.

Reading tea leaves was originally performed in Asia and the Middle East, but today many Tasseography practitioners come from England, Scotland and Ireland. Although a small percentage of the British population truly believe in the “power of the leaves”, for most British people having their tea leaves interpreted is akin to palm reading or gazing into a crystal ball – fun but wildly inaccurate.

In the UK, tea leaf-reading is used as an aid to fortune-telling. You can usually find middle-aged (usually female) travelers sitting in brightly-coloured tee-pees at fairgrounds. For a fee, they will pour you a cup of tea and encourage you to drink it, until only the tea leaves are left in the bottom of the cup. The left over residue is said to leave shapes and figures, which can be interpreted in order to find out something about the drinker’s future fortunes. This interpretation is a very personal thing, dependent upon the fortune-teller, but there are several key concepts to abide by when reading tea-leaves. For example, acorns signify an improvement in health and strength, and the see saw, which predicts that unless you become more decisive, you will lose all future good opportunities that come your way.

Aside from staring into the bottom of tea cups and trying to predict the future, the other main future-predicting procedure involves one of our greatest monuments – Stonehenge. During the summer solstice, “new-age” people gather around the moment and partake in a communal dance, which is said to draw positive energy from the rocks and bring wisdom and fortune to the dancers.

As a British citizen I can wholeheartedly appreciate the need to avoid social faux pas. Good manners and etiquette rules are ingrained within our culture, from thanking waiters when they provide us with food in a restaurant (surely a pre-requisite to eating out?), to lifting our little fingers as we drink tea. Therefore, there is nothing more humiliating for British people who are learning German than to be fooled by those pesky words we call ‘false friends’.

However, when native English speakers learn German it is easy to see why they get confused. They are introduced to seemingly innocent words which sound and look alike to their English counterparts. For example:

house Haus, garden Garten, to swim schwimmen, green grün

And this is not surprising considering that English and German are linguistically very close. However, native English speakers beware; false friends do exist in German, and they can creep up on you when you least expect it.

Mystifying Maths

False Friends can fool you even when doing simple additions. One must be careful not to get billions mixed up with trillions when doing large sums. You see, in German a Billion is equivalent to a trillion in US numbers. In German, if you want to count in US trillions, you must use a German Milliarde. Confused yet? It get’s much more complicated…

Attempted Murder

When Christmas comes around it is a time for family, sharing, and of course the giving of presents. But make sure you give a Geschenk and not a Gift to your parents; otherwise they may become very wary of you. In German Gift means poison.

Preserving Friendship
English-German false friends can ruin your chances with any potential love interest too. If asked by someone to get some preservative to make a jam, be sure to get Konservierungsmittel and not a Präservativ, otherwise you will find yourself red-faced at the checkout with a condom and one confused friend. And if you do try and cover the embarrassment up with a childish wink, make sure to zwinkern, otherwise you could find yourself waving goodbye to a friend. You see in German winken means to wave.