The worst 5 Brazilian songs of all time

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The worst 5 Brazilian songs that I can remember right now… As bad music is an endless source and that currently seems to be on its heyday, it was hard to choose only five. Besides the infinity of options, there is also the dilemma about what can be classified as music and what would be just a clatter or an inconvenient noise. For most of these songs, a general label hasn’t been created yet, but I would say that a label like “psychological torture” could be suitable. We can also follow the trendy wave and classify them as almost all the songs are these days: alternative!

I warn you that the content of some (some?) of these songs can be of really bad taste. But we just need to take it with humour and the whole picture changes.

For those who are still learning Portuguese: in case you think the lyrics do not make any sense, do not blame your Portuguese level. Put the blame on the lyrics writer.

Bonus: Éguinha Pocotó (Little horse pocotó) – MC Serginho

This one has to hit the first spot. But, as I said, this ranking is a pretty complex task. Do not be afraid, you can click on the link. This one spares us from the visual torture with a black screen.

A remarkable quote: ‘Tô mandando um beijinho, pra filhinha e pra vovó, só não posso esquecer da minha eguinha pocotó, pocotó, pocotó, pocotó’
(“I’m sending a kiss, to the little daughter and to the grandma, I just can’t forget, my horse, pocotó, pocotó, pocotó, pocotó”)

5. Restart – Recomeçar

Shallow, wannabes and wearing colorful clothes. For the first time ever, I will not curse GEMA for blocking videos in Germany. Almost all Restart videos are blocked here. Thanks, GEMA!

*People in Germany will not be able to watch the video, sorry!

4. Vou não, quero não, posso não, minha mulher não deixa, não..

“Ei, tu quer beber? Vou não, quero não, posso não, minha mulher não deixa, não vou, não” “Hey, do you wanna drink? I won’t go, I don’t want to, I can’t, my wife doesn’t let me go, no, no”

The original is this one for children

3. Cine – Play

It’s similar to Restart. Enough said.
Remarkable quote: “Ninguém pode me ouvir / Com o próprio coração/ Somos todos irmãos/ É o amor”
“No one can hear me/ With their own heart/ We are all brothers/ it’s love”
No one can hear me? Oh, boy, we wish we couldn’t hear you.

2. Que isso, gordinha, que isso? (What the heck, little fat, what the heck?) – MC Mestre do Nada (MC Master of Nothing)

If I had heard this song in some other circumstances, I probably would not find it funny at all. But it just happened that the song kind of became an internal joke for me and some friends, since one of our friends was on a diet, and ended up putting us in situations where quoting the lyrics was always pertinent. For example when we were late for the bus and we had to run to reach it, as it was Donut’s Day in Poland, she was eating a donut while running for the bus. In the face of this scene it was inevitable not to joke and ask: que isso, gordinha, que isso? (what the heck, little fat, what the heck?) The difficult part was to have enough breath to run and laugh at the same time.

1. Ai, se eu te pego! (Oh, if I get you!) – Michel Teló

All right, I admit that this is not the worst one. But just due to its global repercussion it deserves the first place. After all, we don’t hear Brazilian songs everyday in a taxi in Poland – yes, that happened to me.

´German` version!

Please, do not let me be the only one to feel embarrassed. Share with us your country´s bad songs too! In case you are too ashamed to do it, you can go upper on this page a little bit, and then remember what I posted, I’m sure your feeling of shame will vanish right away.

[Português]

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