Why Telling That You Are French Abroad Sucks

Disclaimer: This article is for comic purposes and does not aim to hurt the arrogance and pretension of all baguette eaters around 🙂. I am myself a Frenchie and I enjoy writing those lines as well as I enjoy wearing striped jerseys and eating frogs or snails served with red wine. Any disrespectful or mean comments will be treated in the same way that I treat my personal hygiene: with ignorance.

Having said this, there are good stereotypes about us, the proud people of France, and I am kind of glad to hear some people saying that we are charming, distinguished and classy. Even some foreign girls I have met told me that I was very romantic (wink-wink). Unfortunately those who pronounced these words did that before having met actual French and after having greeted frog-eaters in their cities. Locals don’t have the same ideas on the croissant’s inventors and do not bear in mind the poetic image broadcasted by some French movies after having crossed the way of our tourists (Except for foreigners who already met me #actinginbadfaith)

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Alain Delon and Jane Birkin in “La Piscine”

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Audrey Tautou in « Amélie »

It is true that the French do not have a very good image abroad. We are rude, impolite, sometimes disrespectful and always annoyingly French.  The Internet is overwhelmed by examples of French bad behavior.

Here are a few examples that I found relevant enough to try to convince French people not to tell that they are coming from the country of love (if their accent doesn’t betray them first, obviously):

*Did you know what shop lifting is called in Australia?

Thanks to super friendly French backpackers who thought that the lack of security in Australian supermarkets meant “please yourself, it’s all free”, Australian authorities are now nicknaming shop lifting “French shopping” in their country.

Advice for compatriots in Kangaroo-land: keep going guys, everything “France-labelled” abroad is a plus for our international recognition! You are doing well!

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*French speaking the language of the country they are visiting (or at least English) are rarer than unicorns.

Ok, here we are speaking of tourists and not about students during their semester abroad. In order to write this paper I went through a bunch of testimonies stating that French people don’t make any effort abroad, even to say one little “hello” in the local language.  The worst part of it is that they seem to complain about the fact that locals don’t understand a word of French!

Advice for fellow unilingual compatriots: It is obvious that you do that on purpose to push people from all around the world to learn French. Noble move in the name of the French culture and language.  

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*French tips at restaurant equal the GDP of Mars.

Do French people have a word for tips?  The “French Tip” is like the Shire in Lord of the Rings: beautiful, shiny and bringing hope but like Frodo and his fellow Hobbit companions on their way to Mordor, waiters have tiny chances to see it again.

Advice for my generous compatriots: keep your change, its goal is not to help an employee to have a better buying power but rather to be put in your piggy bank back home.

Tip

*French are arrogant. A little bit like Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, but also much less handsome.

French are pretentious and arrogant. A feeling shared by thousands of guides everywhere in the world. We think that we know everything and that our culture is prevailing over the others. But the only thing that seems prevailing with French tourists is their disdain, their vanity and their pride.

Advice for fellow best people of the world: some countries seem to not be aware of our natural superiority. I count on you to remind them who are the rulers of the world.

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To conclude I would like to stress the point that this article is just for fun and was made by a guy who just wanted to have as much likes as possible using French-Bashing. Yes I like clickbaiting. Anyway, France is an awesome country with awesome people like all countries in the world, except maybe North Korea. Peace, love and French-kisses to all of you!

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