Sure, everything used to be better, but hold on for a second. Really everything?

There were times when parents married off their own children, an outrageously cruel relict of the middle ages! And then there is also the matter of the injustice committed upon so many women who were bound to stay at home looking after the children rather than having their own life, thinking independently and following their own interests!

The average age of couples getting married has gone up constantly over the past few decades.

One day people will marry aged 60 at the earliest - on the grounds of having been divorced before applying for a marriage. Children might then be picked on in kindergarten for having non-divorced parents. But what am I talking about? Children? Whose children? Those nasty little time-consuming and money-wasting troublemakers. Nobody wants to have children anymore. Nobody except for gay couples. This means the straight parents could give their children to them and everything would be fine. How does that sound? Weird? How does a party sound where 5.000 singles come together in order to get hooked up? The same gatherings are held to marry masses of couples bored by conventional weddings. Or even to divorce them. Some write books on it, others do research to find out what the normal pattern of human mating behavior is. The point is there is no “normal” when it comes to humans deciding to spend their life together or even reproduce. If people don’t grasp the beauty of this concept, they’ll never take it onboard. It simply scares them away, hence they resort to superstition or contracts, or (and that proves again that we lack courage) they just don’t get together anymore. Why is this so? Because we love legends. Man-made legends of true love and everlasting happiness. Once constructed, people forget to question them and tear them down when it’s not funny anymore. Meanwhile billions are caught in cages of their self-constructed idealism. Get over it. Romeo was gay, and made up the whole feuding families-drama just for Juliet. He wanted to be together with his cousin, you just have to read between the lines. But who listens to me…

Früher war alles besser!

Stimmt das? War wirklich alles besser?

Es gab Zeiten, wo Eltern ihre Kinder verheirateten – eines jener schrecklichen Überbleibsel aus dem Mittelalter. Und dann die Ungerechtigkeiten, unter denen Frauen zu leiden hatten und haben. Anstatt ein eigenes Leben mit eigenständigem Denken und Ideen zu verwirklichen, wurden und werden sie gezwungen zuhause auf die Kinder aufzupassen.

Das durchschnittliche Heiratsalter ist in den letzten Jahren konstant gestiegen. Eines Tages werden Leute frühestens mit 60 heiraten – und einmal geschieden sein müssen, um sich überhaupt für eine Heirat bewerben zu können. Der Nachwuchs wird dann im Kindergarten gehänselt, wenn die Eltern noch zusammen leben. Aber wovon spreche ich? Kinder? Wessen Kinder? Diese lästigen kleinen Räuber von Zeit und Geld? Niemand will noch Kinder. Außer homosexuelle Pärchen. Ja, die heterosexuellen Pärchen könnten ihnen ihre Kinder geben und dann wären alle zufrieden. Wie hört sich das an? Komisch?

Wie klingt eine Mega-Party, wo sich tausende Pärchen treffen, um sich verkuppeln zu lassen? Ähnliche Events werden veranstaltet, wenn sich Paare in Massen das Jawort geben. Oder sich wieder scheiden lassen. All dies nur deshalb, weil die konventionellen Methoden langweilig geworden sind.

Manche schreiben Bücher, andere forschen sich die Nächte um die Ohren, um herauszufinden, wie das normale Paarverhalten von Menschen aussieht.

Das Problem ist, es gibt kein Normal, wenn Menschen auf die Idee kommen, sich für ein Leben zu binden oder sogar Vermehrungsversuche starten. Wenn sie nicht die Schönheit dieser Idee verstehen, dann werden sie diese auch niemals verinnerlichen können.

Sie haben Angst davor und flüchten sich in Aberglauben, Eheverträge oder kommen gar nicht mehr zusammen, wenn die Mutlosigkeit ihr Übriges tut. Woran das liegt? Daran, dass wir Legenden lieben. Unsere eigenen Legenden von wahrer Liebe und ewiger Glückseligkeit.

Einmal erschaffen, vergisst man allzu oft, diese Märchen zu hinterfragen und sie zu dekonstruieren, wenn die Zeit reif ist.

Derweil verfangen sich Milliarden in den Käfigen des eigenen Idealismus. Kommt drüber weg! Romeo war schwul und hat sich die ganze Geschichte mit den verfeindeten Familien nur für Julia ausgedacht. Er war heiß auf seinen Cousin! Man muss nur zwischen den Zeilen lesen. Aber wer hört schon auf mich…

Lo que sí podríamos destacar es que en algunos casos los invitados terminan multiplicándose. Aun cuando las listas de invitados suelen ser bastante largas, pues las familias en América Latina consisten de varios intengrantes, algunas personas deciden llevar invitados sin avisar. De esta forma, poco a poco la lista de participantes se vuelve cada vez más grande. No obstante, bodas son bodas y las tradiciones son casi las mismas para todas.

Existen muchas tradiciones alrededor de estos eventos. Tal vez la más conocida es aquella que habla de tener algo nuevo, algo viejo, algo prestado y algo azul. ¿Sabes qué tienen de especial estos objetos?

Se dice que esta tradición viene de la Edad Media en Europa y tiene un significado muy especial: algo nuevo es el símbolo de una nueva vida que comienzas llena de esperanzas e ilusiones. Algo viejo que es por lo general una joya, representa el pasado y la familia. Algo prestado, que después de la boda devolverás, representa la felicidad y por eso es preferible que sea de una mujer felizmente casada. Finalmente, debes usar algo azul simboliza fidelidad.

No puedes olvidar dejar las perlas en casa cuando asistas a una boda, pues estas representan lágrimas para la novia.

Otra tradición habla de lanzar el ramo a las solteras, lo que significa que la soltera que se queda con el ramo, será la próxima en casarse. También existe otra forma de ganarse el ramo: la novia se sienta en una silla y debajo del vestido se coloca un zapato de cada una de las integrantes, la dueña del último zapato que quede se lleva el ramo.

¿Cuál es la edad promedio para casarse?

Esta pregunta no es muy fácil de responder, puesto que varía mucho según la región y el nivel socioeconómico. Se dice que las personas con escasos recursos tienden a casarse a eso de los 20 años, mientras que las pesonas de estrato medio o alto esperan hasta los treinta cuando ya han terminado sus estudios y tienen una posible estabilidad laboral.

Como puedes ver las bodas en América Latina no son muy diferentes de las de otros países.

What we should mention is that in some cases the guests are more numerous than planned. Even when the guest list is pretty long due to the fact that families in Latin America are big, some people bring someone with them that was not invited. Because of this, the actual number of people who attend the wedding can be more than expected. Nonetheless, weddings always have some things in common.

There are some traditions concerning the big event. The most widely-known one could be: something old, something blue, something borrowed and something new. Do you know what’s so special about these things?

People say that this tradition comes from the Middle Ages in Europe and it has a very special meaning: something old represents a tie with your past, with your family. Something blue means fidelity. Something borrow, that you’ll give back after the wedding, should be from a happily married woman. Finally something new represents the new life you start, full of hopes and dreams.

What you can’t forget is to leave pearls at home because they represent tears for the bridge.

Another tradition is to throw the bouquet to the single women - and the woman who gets it will be the next one to get married. There’s also another way to get it: the bride sits down on a chair and under it one shoe of each single woman is placed. The owner of the last shoe gets the bouquet.
What is the average age to get married?

That’s a hard question because it changes according to the region and the economic level. It’s well known that people with a low economic level get married earlier (around 20) whereas people in middle or high economic level prefer to wait until they finished their studies and have an stable job, it normally happens when they are around 30 years old.

As you can see weddings in Latin America are not that different than weddings in most other countries.

Consider marriage… from the initial pick-up line to the proposal, from the wedding vows to the first argument, matrimony is decidedly framed by rhetoric (both good and bad).

Ask any married person you know, and they will tell you that arguing is just part of the game. In America, where the divorce rate is currently hovering between 40 & 50 percent, matrimonial discord is a hot-button issue. The market for marriage counselors and other third party discussion facilitators is booming - even in the current economic climate. The need for such entities however is not particularly surprising when one takes a look at the linguistic facts.

According to Dr. Luann Brizendine, a San Francisco neuropsychiatrist who studies gender differences in the human brain, the centers of a brain which deal with emotional perception and language are both much more active in women than in men – causing females to crave verbal communication in relationships. Brizendine’s study showed that women use approximately 20,000 words per day on average, compared to the 7,000 spoken by their male counterparts. This data suggests that the playing field is therefore far from even when it comes to lover’s quarrels between heterosexual couples.

But don’t worry men - all is not lost! Just because your wife or girlfriend may be able to talk emotional circles around you doesn’t mean you are without recourse. What is this magical tool you ask… a long tight HUG. According to Brizendine’s research, women’s brains are also programmed to release oxytocin in response to a hug of 20 seconds or longer – which both triggers the brain’s trust circuits and creates a bond between the hug participants. This means that whatever words you chose afterwards (few as they may be) they are much more likely to be well received. So just remember guys… if you sense an emotional storm brewing – go in for a hug and count to twenty before you begin negotiations.

Source: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2006/08/06/MNG3HKAMVO1.DTL

Mettiamo in caso il matrimonio. Dal primo incontro alla prima lite – le storie d’amore sono sempre circondate dalla retorica (sia bella sia brutta).

Si dice che le liti fanno parte della vita matrimoniale normale. Però negli Stati Uniti, dove il tasso di divorzio rimane intorno al 45%, la discordia coniugale è una questione importante. Il mestiere di consulente matrimoniale è sempre in salita, anche se l’economia americana é adesso in un periodo di scesa. Ma il bisogno dei consulenti non è così scioccante quando si da un’occhiata ai fatti scientifici.

Secondo Dott. Luann Brizendine, una neuropsichiatra californiana che studia le differenze fra uomini e donne rispetto al cerebro, i centri sentimentali e linguistici del cerebro femminile sono molto più attivi. Questo causa una voglia di comunicazione verbale dalla parte delle donne. Lo studio di Brizendine ha concluso che le donne usano di solito 20,000 parole al giorno, in confronto ai 7,000 usati dagli uomini. Questi dati ci suggeriscono che i due sessi non hanno un’opportunità uguale nei confronti di liti matrimoniali.
Ma gli uomini non si devono preoccupare! Questo divario non vuol dire che voi non avete qualche altro strumento disponibile. Volete sapere cos’é? Un abbraccio forte e lungo! Con la ricerca di Brizendine abbiamo anche scoperto che il cerebro femminile rilascia l’oxitocina automaticamente dopo un abbraccio che dura più di venti secondi. Quell’ormone avvia i centri cerebrali della fiducia e crea un’unione fra le due persone che si abbracciano. A voi uomini questo fatto vuol dire che qualsiasi cosa che dite dopo un abbraccio (nonostante la brevità della vostra orazione), le vostre parole saranno accolte meglio.

Allora… ricordatevi di prendere un attimo prima di una discussione con vostra moglie o fidanzata, di darle un abbraccio, e di contare fino a venti prima di iniziare con le trattative.

Source: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2006/08/06/MNG3HKAMVO1.DTL

Is it because they do not love their girlfriends? No. Look at those trustworthy guys, they have a sense of responsibility, monogomy, and romance and will fight with anyone who wants to get his hands on their wife. But why are they afraid to get married? One friend told me the answer---too expensive.

A funny guy made an “unofficial” report, analyzing the cost of getting a wife in Nanjing, a Middle-income city in China:

1. A house (80 square meters, urban district), 480,000 RMB;
2. Interior decoration, 50,000 RMB;
3. Appliances and furnitures, 30,000 RMB;
4. An ordinary car. 100,000 RMB;
5. Honeymoon trip. 16,000 RMB;
6. Other expenses: 24,000 RMB;
(Total amount: 700,000 RMB)

Suppose the guy’s annual income is 50,000 RMB; and his parents can afford 200,000 RMB for him, (70-20)/5=10 ---The guy has to work without eating or drinking for 10 years.

Comes to the situations in other cities in China:

And there is something worse. According to the China Teenage Research center and the research center of population and development at Renmin University, the ratio of females to males now in China is 100:119.58, which means 10% men will not be able to find a wife---it is an issue that threatens the sustainable development and social harmony of the country!

Now just let’s put the “country first” aside but just think about the “change we need”. A blogger built a “”Beauty and the Geek mathematical model”, trying to find the prefect age for getting married. He referred Mr. Rob Campbell (J.P.Morgan, Diversified Industrials Investment Banking)‘s theory, which rests on the following assumption:
1. Women's value lies in their appearance;
2. Men’s value lies in their achievement;
3. The life span of both men and women is 100 years;

So the following Curve shows the change of value with age: U=f(y); U=Value, Y=age

Resource:  http://xnrio.spaces.live.com/Blog/cns!26295E8A5C409D84!1824.entry

From the graph, we can see women’s value increases steeply between 18-24 years old, and reaches the summit at 26 years old; but begins to plunge at 28 years old. On the other hand, men’s value begins to increase from 22 years old on, and remains high after it has reached the peak.

The two curves cross at K (28,78,), which means at 28 years old, the values of men and women are same. So, many people will think 28 is the perfect age to get married, --- which is wrong.

The problem is, a 28 years old woman is a distressed asset; and a 28 years old man is an appreciable asset.

So the prefect age should be the time that the increasing speed of the two people is fastest, which means, the slope of the tangents of curves are biggest. Look at the following graph:

Resource:  http://xnrio.spaces.live.com/Blog/cns!26295E8A5C409D84!1824.entry

On P₁ and P₂, the tangents of two curves are same. So the prefect age to get marry is: 25 (man) and 22 (woman)

Although at the moment women’s value is bigger than men’s value. Women will not suffer losses, because:

Resource:  http://xnrio.spaces.live.com/Blog/cns!26295E8A5C409D84!1824.entry

The area of blue part S₁=∫[U(women)-U(men)], which means the benefits a man get form the women;

The area of blue part S₂=∫[U(men)-U(women)], which means the benefits a woman get form the men;

Apparently, S₂>S₁

What do you think?

Reference:
http://women.sohu.com/20060110/n241344019.shtml
http://xnrio.spaces.live.com/Blog/cns!26295E8A5C409D84!1824.entry

是他们不够爱自己的女朋友吗？非也。看看这些忠实可靠的小伙子们，他们专一、有责任感、懂得营造浪漫并且会跟任何一个打他们女朋友主意的人拼命。为什么他们不愿意结婚呢？我从其中一个要好的哥们那里听到一个答案——太贵。

有个有趣的家伙做了个“非官方”报告，分析了作为一个南京——一个中国的中等发达城市——的小伙子娶一个老婆的成本：

1. 房屋一套(80平米以上，市区)，以均价6000元计，6000×80＝48万。
2. 装修，以中等装修，80平米算，计5万。
3. 家电及家具，计3万(有部分女方以嫁妆形式出资承担)。
4. 轿车，以普通代步车为标准，计10万。也有部分通情达理的南京女孩同意以电动车作为替代品，计1500元。
5. 办喜酒，以中等酒店25桌为例，包括自带酒、烟、糖，计1200×25＝3万。回收红包以每桌平均1200元计，1200×25＝3万，收支相抵。
6. 度蜜月，以港澳、新马泰、云南、海南为主要出行地，平均每人费用以8000元为标准，计8000×2＝1.6万。
7. 从谈恋爱到决定结婚这段时间，包括出去吃饭、买礼物、娱乐、旅游、送女友父母节日礼品等，平均每月以1000元为标准，谈2年，计1000×12×2＝2.4万。

综上，各项成本合计48＋5＋3＋10＋1.6＋2.4＝70万。以男方家庭20万的家产，男人年收入5万计，(70-20)/5＝10年。

因此他的结论是：男方倾家荡产＋男人不吃不喝工作10年＝讨一个南京中上条件的老婆的成本。

结果出炉后一片哗然。全国各地的男青年们纷纷开始核算自己娶老婆的话成本以及需要不吃不喝多少年。于是便有了下面的一张表格：

还有更糟糕的：根据中国青少年研究中心、中国人民大学人口与发展研究中心发布的报告显示，目前中国的男女比例为119.58:100。这意味着将有十分之一的男人将找不到老婆——这个问题甚至已经被提升到威胁国家可持续发展及社会和谐的高度！

不过我们还是先把国家安全（country first）放到一边，看看我们该做何改变（change we need）。有个聪明的家伙建立了一个“男才女貌模型”来寻找男女的最佳结婚年龄。他引用了Rob Campbell先生 （J.P.Morgan, Diversified Industrials Investment Banking）的理论；该理论基于以下假设：
1. 女人价值由姿色决定
2. 男人价值由事业成就决定
3. 男人女人寿命均为100岁

因此男人女人的价值随年龄变化的曲线是 U=f(y)。U为效用，Y为年龄。

来源：http://xnrio.spaces.live.com/Blog/cns!26295E8A5C409D84!1824.entry

由图看出，女人的价值在18-24岁急速上升，26岁达到顶点，28岁后迅速下跌。男人的价值则在22-30岁稳步上升，且升至最大值后下降缓慢。

两条曲线相交于K点（28，78），其含义是男人在28岁时价值（财富及社会地位）等于女人在28岁的价值（美貌）。于是，很多人会得出一个结论，男人和女人最适合结婚的年龄是在他们28岁那一年。因为他们的“价值”相等。

而现实中这种情况很少发生，为什么呢？根据Rob Campbell先生的理论，28岁的女性是一个贬值资产，而28岁的男性是一项升值资产。

那么，究竟这两种人最适宜结婚的时间是何时呢？

双方价值的增长速度——曲线切线的斜率——最大的时候，因为此时价值增值最快。
根据对曲线进行一阶求导以及根据中国大陆《婚姻法》对男女结婚年龄的限制，我们得出以下两条切线：

来源：http://xnrio.spaces.live.com/Blog/cns!26295E8A5C409D84!1824.entry

两条切线分别切两条曲线于P₁和P₂两点，且该两条曲线在该两点斜率相同。因此两类人最适合谈恋爱的年纪分别为22岁和25岁。

尽管该瞬间女人的价值大于男人，但是22岁的女人和25的男人谈恋爱并不吃亏。证明过程见下图:

来源：http://xnrio.spaces.live.com/Blog/cns!26295E8A5C409D84!1824.entry

上图中,左边蓝色阴影部分面积S₁=∫[U(女人)-U(男人)]，也就是一个22岁的女人在和25岁的男人恋爱后，男人从女人那里得到的净价值，俗话称之为“占的便宜”。

而右边红色阴影部分面积S₂=∫[U(男人)-U(女人)]，即28岁后，原先的22岁的女人从其原先25岁的男人处得到的净价值。显然，S₂>S₁。

参考及部分转载：
http://women.sohu.com/20060110/n241344019.shtml
http://xnrio.spaces.live.com/Blog/cns!26295E8A5C409D84!1824.entry

Chat-up (or pick-up) lines are conversation openers used to get attention of an unfamiliar person with an implied intent to engage her/him into romance relationship or dating. Depending on intelligence and creativity of the pick-upper, the lines can vary from a simple ‘hi’ to the masterpieces competing with Byron and Shakespeare. Apart from these individual differences, every language has its own particular ways to chat up a girl (or boy). Sometimes chatting up can be hard even to native speakers, let alone language learners for whom mastering chat-up lines presents quite a challenge. It is not surprising really, considering all sorts of meanings and connotations associated with their use.

To help those, interested in chatting up a Russian girl (or boy) I suggest a list of the most popular pick-up lines:

1. Worn outHow do you like it here?
   I guess, we are walking in the same direction …
   Hi, what are you doing here? Just standing? Let’s stand together!
   Such a beautiful sunset …
   Would you happen to have a pen?

   The lines in this category do not need explanation and speak for themselves. Most girls hate them, and with good reason. How can a girl be interested in someone who opens a conversation with some worn-out cliché??

2. RomanticWill you be my Fair Lady and I will be you knight?
   What fairytale are you from?
   My Lady, I am pleased to be at Your service … (I gave up translating the following long rhymed verse).

   This group is highly culture specific and demands from the pick-upper extensive knowledge of literature, experience in poetry and language expertise. They can give you a good start unless the victim always hated memorizing verses at school and have never heard of Elizabeth Barrett Browning.

3. DirtyLet’s play weigh-scales: you will sit down on my face and I will tell you your weight.
   The color of your hair matches the color of my pillow perfectly.
   Guess what I can cook best? Breakfast in bed.

   The lines from the last group involve nothing but playing with the ready-made examples from the numerous online guidelines. They are very dangerous as no matter how hard you try, you will never make them sound funny.

This list is no way complete- thousands of different pick-up lines are around. However, there is one common thing about them all. None of the best pick-up lines can guarantee you a success- there is always success and failure in equal quantity. When it succeeds it can succeed extremely well but when it fails, it’s a complete failure. So, if you do not want to take risks, go for the simple: ‘I am John, and you?’ Of course, it’s not as big as Shakespeare but in the end, it is the result that counts.

You might find some inspiration here:
http://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~montymex/pickup/Intropickup.html (the most complete and most useless collection of pick-up lines)
http://www.bestchatuplines.com/bestchatuplines.php (top 10 English chat-up lines)
http://www.pickupenc.ru/archives/192/ (an extensive list of Russian chat-up lines)

В англоговорящем мире первые фразы при знакомстве с целью завязывания романтических отношений обозначаются термином сhat-up или pick-up lines. В русскоязычном интернет-пространстве дается эквивалент «пикап-фразы», который я и буду использовать далее за неимением лучшего.

Каждый язык располагает богатым арсеналом средств, которые могут использоваться в качестве пикап-фраз. Это может быть как простое «привет», так и сонет в подражании Шекспиру- все зависит от интеллектуального уровня и творческого потенциала пикапера. Не сомневаясь в меткости русского слова и изобретательности нашей нации, я решила пройтись по просторам Интернета в поисках этих самых пикап-фраз и вот что я обнаружила:

1. ИзбитоеКажется, нам по пути…
   Как Вам здесь нравится?
   Меня-то зовут Андрей, а вот Вы-то кто?
   Могу я с Вами пофлиртовать?
   Можно Вас спросить?.. Что бы Вас спросить?

   Фразы этой категории в комментарии не нуждаются. Они давно заслужили презрение и ненависть прекрасного пола, и не без причины. Чего можно ожидать от молодого человека, который при знакомстве не способен ни на что большее, как спросить, как тебя зовут?

2. Сплошная романтикаМне нравится Ваша шляпка!.. Мне нравятся Ваши часы!.. Если хорошо подумать, мне в вас все нравится!.. Меня зовут Иван. Каким именем зоветесь Вы, блестящий образец природного совершенства?
   Рад милой барышне служить! Нельзя ли мне Вас проводить?
   Вы арестовали меня своей красотой, и я был бы счастлив отбывать пожизненное наказание в плену Вашего сердца.

   Фразы этой категории представляют собой, как правило, настоящие перлы поэтического искусства. Для их создания требуются глубокие знания родной литературы, чувство языка и умение рифмовать. Вероятность успеха при их использовании довольно высока, но если объект обожания прогуливал уроки литературы и никогда не слышал о Блоке, слова могут быть потрачены напрасно.

3. ОткровенноеВаше платье классно на Вас смотрится, но лучше оно будет смотреться на полу моей спальни.
   Давайте поиграем в весы! Вы сядете мне на лицо, а я угадаю Ваш вес.
   Девушка, Вы очень красивы, а красивых девушек надо размножать.

   Недвусмысленные намеки фраз этой категории возвращают нас на страницы Интернет-сайтов соотвествующей тематики. Попытки подражания им почти всегда заканчиваются полным провалом.

Данный обзор ни в коей мере не претендует на полноту и объективность, тем не менее, напрашивается вывод: даже лучшие пикап-фразы не дают гарантии успеха. Тут все дело случая: пан или пропал. Так что во избежание риска советую попробовать проверенное десятилетиями «Меня зовут Саша, а тебя?» До Пушкина далеко, но ведь главное результат.

Источники вдохновения:
http://www.pickupenc.ru/archives/192/
http://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~montymex/pickup/Intropickup.html (на английском)
http://www.bestchatuplines.com/bestchatuplines.php (десятка самых популярных английских пикап-фраз)