In Japan, you have to be careful not to do the following things.

• Do not blow your nose on a train, in an office or anywhere in front of people.

You would be better off not blowing your nose in front of people. For the Japanese, blowing one´s nose should be done in the bathroom or somewhere in private. Many people go to the bathroom to do it and come back as if nothing had happened.

• Do not make sounds when you eat.

It is completely fine to talk during a meal. However, you should be careful
not to chew things while talking. We do not want to see inside of your mouth while eating. However, when you eat noodles and when you drink green tea are exceptions - sipping them is fine. It shows that you enjoy meals!

• Do not give mirrors or glasses as bridal gifts unless you are asked to do so.

Avoid presenting mirrors or glasses to a new couple. These things remind us of image which is "easy to break". Also, the number of bridal gifts should not be 4 or 9. 4 and 9 are unlucky numbers in Japan.

• About marriage and children:

“Are you still single? When are you going to get married?” “Don’t you have children yet?”
These could be seen as impolite questions.

Some time ago, a politician said “Giving birth to a child is the duty of a woman” on TV.
That became a big problem.

Japanese people believed that to be mature, being married and having family is essential. People who have old-fashioned way of thinking are still thinking in that way.
As a result of this, certain people who aren’t married or who don’t have a family were regarded as unfulfilled.

However, in today´s Japan, thinking has changed. Marriage or having children is up to the individual. We cannot consider someone who isn’t married or doesn’t have any children as unfulfilled. That means we shouldn’t ask questions that pressurize someone into getting married.

日本で気をつけるべきことを紹介します!

• 人前で鼻をかむのは控えたほうがよいです。

電車の中やオフィス内で堂々と鼻をかむのは控えたほうがよいです。日本人にとって鼻をかむという行為は人のいないところでこっそりとやるものであり、人に見せるべきものではありません。多くの人はトイレなどに行って鼻をかみ、涼しい顔をして戻ってきます。

• 食べるときは静かに！

話をしてはいけない訳ではなく、口を開けて物を噛んだり話しながら食べるのはやめましょう。話すときは口の中に食べ物が残っていない状態にしてください。ただし麺類や、緑茶などは例外です。豪快に音を立ててすする人もいますがこれは問題ないです。麺類や緑茶を音を立てて食べることは味わって食べているというサインなのです。

• 結婚のプレゼントにはガラス製品や鏡など割れ物はなるべく贈らない。

相手が希望しない限り、「切れる」や「壊れる」という言葉を連想させるものは避けるべきです。またプレゼントの数が４個や９個などにならないように気をつけましょう。

• 結婚や子供について

結婚はまだ？　とか　子供はまだ？　といった結婚や子供を催促する質問は場合によっては失礼になります。

少し前に、政治家が公の場で「子供を産むのは女性の義務だ」ととれる発言をして問題になったこともありました。

結婚して家族を持って初めて一人前、家族を持つことは社会的な義務、というのが昔からの日本の考え方でした。なのでもし結婚していなかったり、していても子供がいなかったりすると半人前かのようにみなされた時代も昔はあったのも事実です。
しかし今は考え方も変わり、結婚するのもしないのも個人の自由になりましたし、個人的な問題で子供ができない人もいます。
なので結婚していなかったり子供がいなかったりすることを、社会的な義務を果たしていないとみなして、相手にそれを催促するのは日本では失礼に当たります。
もしそのような意図がなかったとしても相手にそうとられかねないのでこのような質問は控えるべきです。

日本に住むことになったとき、日本人と接するとき、これらのことを忘れないでください♪

„수정, 이쪽은 입양된 언니 앨리슨이야.“ 노스웨스턴 대학교 1학년 시절, 땡쓰기빙 휴일을 맞아 미국인 친구집에 놀러갔던 나는 언니의 입양사실을 아무렇지 않게 말하는 친구, 모건,에게 적지않은 충격을 받았다. 한국 사회에선 입양아들이 자신들의 입양사실이 알려지는 것을 무척 꺼리기 때문이다. 이와 같이, 나라별로 공개적으로 는 잘 이야기하지 않는 주제들이 있다. 대부분의 이런 타부(taboo)들은 그 나라의 역사, 문화, 환경 등 에 기인하는데, 한국 또한, 유교문화, 분단상황 등에 의하여 몇몇 타부가 존재한다.

첫째로, 유교문화권인 한국 사회에선, 앞에서 언급한 것 과 같이 입양 사실을 이야기 하는 것을 꺼려한다. 몇달 전에는, 입양 사실이 알려진 유명 TV 아나운서가 자살을 택한다는 내용의 드라마가 큰 인기를 얻기도 했다. 유교는 자식은 부모를 존경하며, 부모는 자식을 사랑해야 한다고 가르치고 있다. 하지만, 자신이 입양아라는 사실이 알려지면, 사람들은 그 사람의 친부모가 미혼모나 원치않는 임신을 하여 아이를 양육할 경제적 또는 정신적 능력이 없었으며, 입양아는 친부모를 존경하지 않고 있다고 추측하게 된다. 또한, 가장 큰 사랑을 주어야 할 부모로 부터 버림받았다고 생각하여 동정어린 시선으로 입양아를 바라보게 된다. 그러므로, 자신의 친부모에 대한 사람들의 추측과 동정의 시선이 싫은 대부분의 입양아들은 입양 사실을 숨기려고 한다.

둘째로, 한국사람들은 북한에 관한 노골적인 비판을 삼간다. 이는 1970년대와 1980년의 군사정권때와는 매우 대조적이다. 1990년 김대중 대통령의 햇볕정책을 시작으로, 한국사회에는 „북한은 적이 아닌, 언젠가는 꼭 통일을 해야할, 지금은 만나지 못하는 형제“라는 생각이 널리 퍼지게 되었다. 북한이 핵실험, 미사일 발사 등 국제사회에 위협이 되는 행동을 하면, 북한의 정책을 비판하는 사설이 실리지만, 그러한 대부분의 사설들은 동정어린 충고의 뉘앙스를 풍긴다. 개인적으로 대화를 하면, 북한을 비판하는 사람들도 있지만, 애국심이 부족하다거나 친미주의라는 오명을 얻을 위험을 무릎쓰고 신문이나 언론에 그러한 의견을 노골적으로 나타내는 사람은 매우 드물다.

셋째로, 한국사람들은 자신의 성형 사실을 이야기 하지 않는 성향이 있다. 성형수술은 한국에서 매우 널리 보급되어 있으며, 많은 여성들이 성형수술을 하지만, 대부분 성형사실을 숨기려고 한다. 인공을 꺼려하고 자연을 숭상하는 유교사회이어서, 자신의 미(beauty)가 인공의 미가 아닌 자연의 미라고 알리고 싶어하는 심리이다. 실제로 성형 사실이 드러난 많은 여자 연예인들의 당혹한 표정이 신문과 잡지에 자주 실린다. 하지만, 요즘은 당당하게 성형사실을 인정하는 분위기가 차츰생기고 있다.

이 밖에도 한국사회는 부모 비판, 성 (sex)에 관한 노골적인 농담, 특정 종교 비판 등을 매우 삼간다. 처음 만난 사람에게 연봉이나 나이를 물어보는 것, 학생에게 성적을 물어보는 것 또한 불쾌하게 여겨질 수 있다. 하지만, 시간이 지남에 따라 문화도 조금씩 바뀌듯,한국 사회의 많은 타부(taboo)들도 보다 개방적인 방향으로 변해가고 있는 중이다.

“Sujeong, this is my adopted sister, Allison”. When my American friend Morgan introduced her sister to me and told me about her adoption so naturally, I was quite shocked; because, in Korea, adoptees are very reluctant to let people know about their adoptions. Likewise, there are some kinds of different taboos in every country, and Korea is no exception. Mostly, those taboos are generated by cultural, historical, or traditional factors; and Korea’s divided situation and Confucian society engendered several taboos in Korea.

Firstly, as mentioned above, Koreans try not to talk about one’s adoption. Several months ago, there was even a soap drama featuring a famous announcer who chose to commit suicide when the media discovered the fact that she was adopted. In Korea, once the fact that you’re adopted is known, people regard that your biological parents were lacking the financial or psychological ability to raise you. Also, people regard the adoptee pathetically, hypothesizing that the adoptee was ‘abandoned’ by the parents and must have been hurt. Thus, most adoptees, who don’t want people to be prejudice about their biological parents and don’t like people to have sympathetic views of them, avoid mentioning that they are adopted.

Secondly, Koreans avoid explicit criticism of North Korea. This is very contrast to 1970s and 1980s when military government put people in jail if they showed sympathy for North Korea. Starting with President Kim Dae Joong’s Sunshine Policy in 1990s, it is currently a widespread view in Korea that North Korea is not an enemy anymore, but our brother whom we have to care for and embrace. Though there are some criticizing editorials whenever North Korea acts aggressively, those articles are usually more like advising rather than explicit condemning. There are very few people who would criticize North Korea explicitly under the danger of being stigmatized as a lack of patriotism or as a super-pro-American.

Thirdly, Korean women tend to not to talk about their own plastic surgery experiences, although plastic surgery is quite popular in Korea, and many Korean women undergo surgery. Because of the Korea’s Confucian ideas that natural beauty is better than artificial beauty, many women would like to hide the fact that their beauties are artificial. Indeed, there are many pictures of embarrassed actresses in newspapers whenever the media finds out that they have had plastic surgery.

In addition to these, Koreans try to keep away from criticizing one’s own parents, making jokes about sex, or arguing about certain religions. It can also result in embarrassment if you ask how much a worker makes a year or how good a student does in school upon first meeting them. As many other countries, Korea also has some implied, social rules and etiquettes in its society.

Writing about taboos is difficult because they are, yes, taboos! Unless one is a gossipmonger who really likes to raise questions everyone else tries to avoid and replace them with tactful silence. Not really belonging to this category (I’m getting old, you know) I feel a bit awkward having to write about things people don’t want to talk about. And it took me a while to think about taboos that would be specifically Polish. I guess we share our taboos with many other countries (especially European ones having similar culture and tradition).

Sex
A delicate question. Whereas young people talk about it all the time showing little or no inhibition, it’s still a difficult topic in an intergenerational environment. And there have been massive protests recently against Madonna’s upcoming concert, as she’s apparently too sexy and lascivious. She also questions our religious beliefs, which leads on smoothly to another contentious issue for the Polish:

Religion
The thing that makes Madonna’s concert even worse is that it’s supposed to take place on the 15th of August which is a big religious celebration of the Virgin Mary and a national holiday in Poland. Taking into consideration how Madonna used to treat Catholic religion, no wonder some conservative groups in Poland are outraged. So if you don’t want to cause consternation, avoid raising religious questions. And never ever make jokes about the late Pope, John Paul II. He’s sanctity to many in Poland.

Homosexuals
Not a comfortable subject for the majority of Poles yet. It has become ‘trendy’ in Warsaw recently (to be gay or to have gay friends) but you still might want to avoid this topic when meeting people for the first time.

Abortion and euthanasia
These are two big issues and a recurring topic in the media. They are discussed a lot so they might not really be taboo, but I still advise to be careful when talking about them. Not a nice ice-breaker.

Money
Don’t ask Polish people how much they make. Just don’t. It may be a normal question in some countries, but in Poland you are seen to be judging the person and estimating how much they earn. Most people have problems asking about money, even between really good friends.

‘Unfriendly honesty’
Go for the white lies. Poles might be open, friendly and direct but they don’t like to be criticized. If the truth is not essential (e.g. when at work) don’t say it or try not to sound judgmental. And if a friend asks you what she looks like in the new dress, just say ‘awesome’. Truth in such a situation will not be appreciated unless you’re really, really close.

Gdy dowiedziałam się, że mam napisać artykuł na temat tabu, który miałby pełnić dodatkowo rolę swego rodzaju przewodnika (albo antyprzewodnika) dla obcokrajowców, musiałam się najpierw dobrze zastanowić. Jakich tematów powinno się unikać, by nie popełnić gafy? Samo pisanie o tematach tabu też nie jest proste, bo w końcu są to tematy… tabu! Chyba się już starzeję i skłonność do skandalizowania już mi przeszła, więc z pewną dozą zażenowania piszę o paru tematach, które mi do głowy przyszły. Myślę, że większość z nich nie różni się specjalnie od innych krajów, zwłaszcza tych europejskich, z którymi łączą nas podobne tradycje i obyczaje.

Seks
Oczywiście. Delikatna kwestia. Podczas, gdy młodzi rozmawiają o nim dużo, bez zahamowań i zażenowania, w towarzystwie międzypokoleniowym ciągle nie powinno się tego tematu podejmować zbyt ochoczo. Dowodem na to niech będą ostatnie protesty przeciwko koncertowi Madonny w naszym kraju, które są podobne zbyt seksowne i lubieżne, a na dodatek obrażają uczucia religijne, co jest dobrym wprowadzeniem do kolejnego, drażliwego tematu, jakim jest…

Religia
Sprawę koncertu Madonny pogarsza jeszcze fakt, że ma się on odbyć 15. sierpnia, czyli w ważne święto maryjne, a wiadomo jak prowokowała i parodiowała kościół katolicki Madonna. By nie wprowadzać rozmówców w konsternację, lepiej zwykle zachować swoje postępowe poglądy dla siebie, przynajmniej na początku. No i nie żartować z Jana Pawła II, dla wielu jest on jednak świętością.

Homoseksualiści
Również ciągle trudny temat. Mimo, że w stolicy przyjaciel gej jest może nawet i ‘trendy’, to ciągle jeszcze doradzałabym rozwagę i wyważenie w podejmowaniu tego tematu.

Aborcja i eutanazja
Łączą się bardzo z kwestiami kościelnymi. Dwie ważne, często poruszane w mediach kwestie. Nawet nie tabu, jako, że dyskutuje się o nich sporo, ale bardzo niebezpieczny grunt, jeśli chodzi o rozmowy z obcymi lub prawie obcymi ludźmi.

Pieniądze
Mam wrażenie, że nadal nie jest w Polsce powszechne pytanie ludzi, ile zarabiają. Ocenia się to po ich wyglądzie, samochodzie itp. ale zadanie tak bezpośredniego pytania rezerwuje się zwykle dla bardzo bliskich przyjaciół, a i to z pewnymi oporami.

‘Nieuprzejma szczerość’
Wolimy małe kłamstewka, które pozwalają nam się czuć dobrze. Nie lubimy być krytykowani, więc, jeśli ktoś pyta, jak wygląda w nowym ubraniu, po prostu powiedz ‘wystrzałowo’. Nadmierna szczerość w takim wypadku raczej nie zostanie doceniona, no chyba, że między bardzo bliskimi przyjaciółmi.

No país em que o povo se libera tudo durante o Carnaval, algumas atitudes não são muito bem aceitas. Confira para não cometer gafes!

• No Brasil não se assoa o nariz em público. Não na sala de aula, não no trem e muito menos à mesa na hora de uma refeição. Um hábito que alguns europeus podem estranhar, mas assoar o nariz é só escondidinho no banheiro.
• É normal quando as pessoas se encontram perguntar “Como vai?”. A resposta deve sempre ser positiva; ninguém fez a pergunta para realmente saber como a pessoa vai, mas sim para ser educado. Responda “estou bem/ótimo”, mesmo se você está em um daqueles dias horríveis.
• Cachorros não são bem vindos em locais p úblicos que não sejam ao ar livre. Nada de cachorros no shopping center, na padaria ou no trem.
• Quando alguém está comendo algo – como no recreio na escola, por exemplo, é comum oferecer aos seus colegas. Mas um bom brasileiro sabe que não se deve aceitar a comida que foi oferecida, mesmo se você realmente está com vontade de comê-la.
• Ao receber um elogio de um amigo (a) por uma roupa que está usando, a resposta normalmente é “às ordens”, ou seja, colocar a roupa à disposição do seu amigo – mesmo que ele nunca vá pedir emprestado porque isso é falta de educação.

Como pode ver, no Brasil temos um tipo de educação que chega a ser quase falsa muitas vezes. Pode ser estranho no começo, mas você se acostuma a não ser honesto o tempo todo.

Se bem que talvez um pouco mais de honestidade e franqueza no país não seria tão ruim, especialmente entre os políticos...

In the country where the population goes wild during Carnival, some attitudes are still not well accepted. Check out these tips so you won´t put your foot in it while in Brazil.

• In Brazil you should never blow your nose in public. Not in the classroom, not on the bus and never during a meal. It is a habit that some Europeans may find odd, but for us blowing one´s nose is considered extremely impolite. Do it hidden in the bathroom, and ideally, not very loud.
• When people meet it is common to ask “How are you?” The answer should always be positive: no one is asking this to really know how you are doing (or what your problems are), they ask just to be polite. So just answer that you are doing great, even if it has been one of those horrible days.
• Dogs are not welcome or accepted in indoor public places. No dogs are allowed in the shopping center, in the bakery or on the train.
• When somebody is eating something – for example during the break at school - it is common to offer it to everybody else. But a polite Brazilian would not accept the food, even if he/she really wants to eat it.
• Among women, when a person compliments something that you are wearing, you should usually answer “às ordens”, which means that your friend can borrow your clothes whenever she wants to – which of course she won´t, because asking for to borrow them would be impolite.

As you may have seen, in Brazil we have a way of being polite that almost seems fake. It may sound weird at first, but you end up getting used to not being honest the whole time.

What shouldn’t you do and say in Italy? There are a couple of unwritten social rules that tell you how to behave in an Italian context without falling short of others expectations. These unwritten rules and taboos are actually numerous and are totally different from one country to another. You really know you are in your home country only when this kind of behavior rules are part of you and you know what to expect from everyone. After having spent more than one year in Germany I still get disappointed occasionally.

Let´s talk about the last tiny cultural shock I experienced several weeks ago. During a dinner I prepared for some German friends, I had to hear this comment about my risotto: “I think that risotto with mozzarella is boring”. In Italy I could have served stinking stale food, my dishes could have been covered with hair (well, not exactly!) but still everyone would have eaten it and would have thanked me for my culinary effort. What can I say, I really appreciate frankness but still, some sincerity examples are a way too tough and could break the Italian social harmony.

This is why I strongly suggest you to follow the following tips!

1. Don´t say ciao to everyone!
You’ll hear ciao being said all over Italy - It’s an incredibly common greeting throughout the country. But if you pay closer attention, you’ll see that it’s almost always used among people who know each other or are in the same peer group. Among strangers, or when addressing an elder or your teachers and professors, you should use other more formal greetings. Of course, you won’t be deemed as rude but people will think you are overly informal if you simply say "ciao" to a shopkeeper or to a barman.

2. Don´t accept food the first time it´s offered to you
I know it sounds really stupid but actually it works like this! As a guest in Italy, you will drown in food and wine and everyone will want you to eat and drink everything on the table. So only say yes… after you have been asked at least twice to do it! When someone offers you something for the first time you should follow the so-called rule of the “fare i complimenti” (the best translation I can think of is to stand on ceremony, which is still not totally correct). “Fare i complimenti” is a typical Italian behaviour. I tried to explain it in many different ways to many different groups of people, from many different countries. After a conversation with a German friend, who asked me “why should I refuse something if I’m hungry??” The only sane conclusion I could think of was that there´s no way to explain “fare i complimenti”. Just take into consideration the existence of this rule and stick yourself to it!

3. Don´t mention the word 'sex' in a family conversation
This is really a big deal! Just skip the issue, and avoid any discussion on this topic. This is still one of the biggest taboos! The first time I went out for dinner with my German boyfriend and his German family I experienced something that would never happen in Italy. Raising our glasses to Greek food we were enjoying, his family chose a wonderful topic to talk about: our sex life! In Italy nobody directly mentions this issue and if it happened, it would mean a half-hour of embarrassing silence!

Che cosa non si dovrebbe mai dire in Italia?? Ci sono un paio di cose che, per una serie di regole sociali non scritte, gli Italiani non fanno come ci sono migliaia di cose simili, piccole accortezze, gesti impercettibili che anche in altri paesi si dovrebbe o non si dovrebbe fare. È davvero difficile essere preparati su tutto perché da paese a paese queste piccole regole di convivenza sono totalmente diverse. Anche all’interno dei Paesi europei, così simili tra loro, ci sono differenze tra i diversi tabù sociali. Queste piccole regole ci permettono ancora di sentirci davvero a casa solo nel Paese in cui siamo nati. Dopo aver trascorso più di un anno e mezzo in Germania ci sono ancora delle occasioni in cui mi aspetto dagli altri un determinato comportamento (in funzione delle regole sociali con le quali sono cresciuta) e invece rimango attonita per più di dieci minuti per una risposta del tutto inaspettata!

Un esempio? Due settimane fa ho cucinato per degli amici. Durante la cena un amico tedesco ha commentato nel modo seguente il mio risotto: “Il risotto con la mozzarella è noioso!”. In Italia avrei potuto portare in tavola cibo avariato, avrei potuto servire pietanze contenenti capelli e tutti mi avrebbero ringraziato complimentandosi per l’eccellente sforzo e risultato culinario! Che dire, viva la sincerità ma in Italia è meglio evitare alcune situazioni spiacevoli che disturbano l’equilibrio sociale! Ecco allora tre esempi di cosa non fare!

1. Dire ciao a tutti
La parola ciao è molto amata all’estero, in molti paesi è addirittura entrata a far parte della lingua comune ed è così conosciuta che i turisti stranieri che vengono in Italia senza conoscere la lingua ne fanno un uso incondizionato. Ecco il problema! La parola ciao compare fin troppo spesso nelle conversazioni dei turisti in Italia. Al supermercato, nei bar, negli uffici non si può dire ciao a tutti! Ciao si usa tra amici, tra persone della stessa età o con persone più giovani. Mai con professori, insegnati, adulti (se sei un adolescente) o con persone mature che non conosci estremamente bene.

2. Accettare cibo alla prima offerta
In qualità di ospite in Italia ti verrà praticamente imposto di mangiare e bene in quantità sovraumane e tutti saranno felici di vederti apprezzare la buona enogastronomia italiana. Solo un piccolo consiglio: non accettare cibo o bevande alla prima offerta! In Italia bisogna fare i complimenti per qualche minuto prima di accettare del cibo, anche se stai morendo di fame! Ho provato a spiegare che cosa questo verbo significhi davvero, ho provato a confrontarmi con un amico tedesco che per lungo tempo ha vissuto in Italia ma nessuno è mai riuscito a cogliere il significato di fare i complimenti! Il mio amico tedesco ha tagliato corto liquidandomi con la seguente affermazione: “In Germania non facciamo i complimenti, se abbiamo fame mangiamo sennò no!”

3. Parlare di sesso in famiglia
Altro importante tabù. Il sesso in famiglia! Non se ne parla. La prima volta che sono andata a cena fuori con la famiglia tedesca del mio fidanzato ho vissuto qualcosa chi in Italia non sarebbe mai potuto succedere. Brindando alla buona cucina greca e all’ottimo vino che stavamo bevendo, la conversazione si è spostata sulla nostra vita sessuale! Per circa un’ora due zie e la nonna del mio fidanzato hanno discusso intensamente della questione. In Italia non sarebbe potuto succedere, tutti sanno che tutto succede ma nessuno ne parla in maniera diretta. A volte si fa cenno generico alla tematica ma non c’è mai un riferimento diretto alla vita sessuale di un membro della propria famiglia. Un intervento del genere in una conversazione di una famiglia italiana avrebbe lasciato tutti di stucco e probabilmente nessuno avrebbe più aperto bocca per circa mezz’ora!