It began just like any normal day at the bab.la office would. Perhaps the day wasn’t that normal at all- after all it was Thursday, the office lunch day. So the chances for funny stories and a laugh for everyone were already good. As usual, one person after another came up with an anecdote here, a story there…
So before long, this day’s hot topic came up (don’t ask how): birds. Before you turn away wondering how a thing as common as those animals might excite anyone, I’m not talking about just any sweet songbird here. Our stories centered around nothing but the most disgusting, aggressive or frightful specimens among our fellow winged creatures.
Birds of horror featured in our stories: frightful memories of being chased by the goose from hell, swooped at by bad-tempered seagulls…the cases were many. Here’s what the list of the day looks like.
But be warned: Flying nastiness ahead!
4th Place: The Predator-Seagull
Can’t afford to miss this one, especially when living in the biggest harbor city of the country. It’s big, it’s bold, it’s loud. And it’s usually a real bastard. And what’s worse, it comes in sizeable swarms too. Down by the harbor, Hitchcock’s Birds might come to your head time and again, when screaming hordes of those predators follow a ship, never missing chances to feed. And I definitely remember tourists fearing for their fishburgers as those were scrutinized by hungry gazes from above.
3rd Place: The Rat Airborne-Pigeon
Apart from having seagull shit drop on you (did I mention that?), what other bird comes this close in the race of disgusting-ness? Again moving in packs, the pigeon is lot dumber and less the cutting-edge flyer than the seagull. But its numbers more than make this up. Wherever there’s humans there’s pigeons. And more pigeons. Just like rats, they’re indestructible.
Now those are really mean fellows: As if size and a long, snakelike neck are not bad enough, put a mean temper on top of that and you get geese! My colleague Isabelle was once caught up a tree by one of these biting, hissing and wing-beating monsters lying in wait below. Is there need to say more? Whatever other crime that bird had to answer for- the only road to redemption will definitely go through the Christmas dinner table, into our stomachs, and right back to nature if you know what I mean.
1st Place: The Insatiable-Pelican
With so many winged terrors collected, our winner must be nasty indeed. Well, let’s just say he has an
overwhelming appetite: The pelican is the disgusting bird that eats disgusting birds: they have actually gobbled up and swallowed live pigeons in front of shocked London park visitors. The sight would probably have given me nightmares if I’d been younger!
Finally, a bit of advice: Be careful and check the skies when you go out next.