I’ve always found changes thrilling and terrifying at the same time. Getting a new job, moving abroad, meeting new people – these all make me excited and anxious.
A few years ago, when it was the first time I’d decided to leave home for a longer time I ended up calling my mother who lived in another town to come and help me pack my luggage and convince me that I didn’t need everything that‘d been piled up in the apartment (including the cat, sitting on the top of the pile). The rescue team – my mom and my brother – arrived, and solved my problem by eliminating the mini-Armageddon both from my mind and the apartment as well. My brother took a picture of me that day, sobbing in the middle of the STUFF while getting a mild nervous breakdown and showed it to me a few months later. Being very happy about life in general, I couldn’t imagine why I’d been so scared and nervous.
Let’s fast forward to the present day: having been through some tough goodbyes, heartbreaking farewell hugs, visits to many airports in many cities, I should say that I’ve gotten used to changes, but that’s not true. I feel the same, sheer panic, when I need to decide what to take with me and what to leave behind when moving somewhere else. Not exactly knowing what to expect is my worst nightmare, but at the same time, this is what gives me the adrenaline to keep going. Getting to know the unknown and trying new things should be prescribed to everyone, and the world would have less unhappy people.
There is one very important thing I’ve learned in the past few years while moving from place to place: you might need to leave things behind you don’t use, sometimes even things you get attached to, but if you put all those on an imaginary scale, the things that you’ve gained would weigh much more. All the people you’ve met, the new foods you’ve tried, new words you’ve learned, new challenges you’ve faced and solved: all of these give you memories you’ll never forget.
This is why – however scared it might make me at first – I’ll always have that suitcase ready in case there’s a chance of visiting a new place where I can drop out the extra weight and fill it with new, exciting treasures I find on the way.