TGIF: Flatsharing – Flaws in Human Evolution

The weekend has come, it’s time to relax and enjoy home… if you can! Here’s a list of what mother nature still needs to improve when it comes to the evolution of flatmates.

1. The Water Ecologist: He or she is so concerned about the planet water reserve that dirty plates should not be washed more than once a month. In the mid-time, bacteria colonies have the time to expand and take over the entire kitchen. Spotted: flatware and tableware walking towards the sink begging to be washed.

2. The Chef: Whatever he or she cooks, the rest of the building (neighbors included) will know for at least one week. His/her specialty food includes deep frying, a large, almost illegal use of spices, garlic (also in dessert) and the smelliest fish the market could offer. Curtains, couches and carpets will keep the delicate aroma till the next cooking session.

3. The Kleptomaniac: He or she cannot help it.. sweaters, books, keys, anything left in common areas will not be found again. His/her room is like Ali Baba’s den, but nobody’s ever managed to enter it. When desperately looking for a plate in empty cupboards, try to leave a note on their door. They might have the mercy to give something back.

4. The Cadger: Cigarettes, sugar, shampoo, toothpaste, beer, your bicycle. Anything. He or she will always forget to buy the only thing needed in that moment and will therefore ask you. In the end, you will have it back. He or she was considering going to the supermarket in this decade, sooner or later.

5. Cousin Itt: He or she seems to be more hairy than a sheep and leaves hairs all over the place. Worst part: he or she never removes them. The shower becomes a bath tub because of the obstruction, your parquet becomes a carpet and while you are eating you realize that some hairs were inside the pot you used to cook your meal. Human spaghetti…yummy!

6. The Fornicator: He or she has had more partners than Rocco Siffredi had in his entire career. You cannot sleep at night nor by day because of the squeaky bed and the pleasure howling. You have considered imposing a visitor tax since your bathroom has become a public loo in the morning and your kitchen a self service for sex pilgrims.
TGIF intext
These are just some of the many subspecies that human nature offers. Feel free to contribute to this anthropological research with your flat sharing experience leaving a comment below.

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